Many individuals have or know someone with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (or ADHD). Most adults with ADHD experience social anxiety and isolation. Social situations with lots of people make adults with ADHD extremely nervous and anxious and need anxiety attack help, according to Betterhelp.
“Having ADHD may lead to what is called “secondary anxiety.” When you have to work five times as hard as everyone else, and you only get half the amount of work done, it can cause anxiety. Making social errors due to impulsivity can also lead to anxiety,” writes Stephanie A. Sarkis Ph.D.
Adults with ADHD are just not into the people scene. This can lead to isolation and, eventually, depression. What many individuals fail to realize, however, is that the anxiety, isolation, and even depression that adults with ADHD experience are normal, and the roots go much farther than just having ADHD.
A History Lesson
Most adults with ADHD did not receive the interventions they needed as a child to learn the coping mechanisms that they needed to cope with ADHD as adults. Twenty years ago, ADHD was viewed completely differently than it is today. In fact, many children with ADHD were overlooked and not diagnosed until they were adults.
“The nonstop activity, impulsive actions, and more frequent aggressiveness of children with the hyperactive or combined types of ADHD are obvious sources of annoyance to peers. They are more likely than other children to argue and start fights,” writes Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D.
In fact, most girls with ADHD are not diagnosed until their twenties. This is because ADHD is different from person to person. So, for twenty-some-odd years of an adult’s life, they were viewed as a troublemaker. Nine times out of ten adults with ADHD were the “bad kids” no one wanted around. They were the ones getting the weird looks at the grocery store from the other parents when they had a meltdown. They were the ones who were always in the principal’s office, not knowing why they did what they did.
Why it Matters
The history matters because it affects the ability of an individual with ADHD to cope as an adult. Adults struggling with ADHD typically have a very difficult time in their adult life until they receive their diagnosis. Suddenly, they can understand why they have a hard time keeping a job or why they can’t pay attention to important details.
However, many individuals are still unaware that there are a lot of sensory issues involved in having ADHD. Your surroundings have a direct impact on your mood. Individuals with ADHD do not have a short attention span. The truth is individuals with ADHD have too much attention. They are constantly paying attention to every little thing at one time.
“Adult ADHD symptoms fit a picture consistent with deficits in so-called ‘executive functioning,’ a term that psychologists use to describe how well an individual can plan, organize, and inhibit irrelevant thoughts. People with adult ADHD have more trouble organizing tasks, make careless mistakes, lose things, and are unable to prioritize their daily activities,” writes Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D.
At the same time, the past issues of being labeled a bad kid cause individuals with ADHD to be a little paranoid. It’s easy to notice the weird looks in the grocery store, and even when they’re not directed at the individual with ADHD, they think the person is looking at them funny because it is what has occurred in the past.
When too much is going on, individuals with ADHD tend to become hyper and overwhelmed. Subconsciously, as you grow up, you notice this trend. This is typical as a child, the type of setting where you would get in trouble for getting too loud and be told to quiet down. Other children may have thought you were weird because your impulsivity became too much, and you were labeled the weird kid by your peers. As you’ve grown up, you have learned to avoid putting yourself in these situations. Because the root cause of this is the fear of how people will react to you or how you will act in these settings, you begin to get anxious every time you are forced into a social gathering with numerous individuals.
Ok, so what about the isolation
You may have noticed as an adult with ADHD that, as you have gotten older, the number of individuals close to you has dropped. You may have one or two good friends or may have none. Those in the ADHD community tend to be the floaters in high school and college. They hang out with everybody but never really feel they belong anywhere. Over time, you and your friends just lost touch.
What really happened is that you had friends, you became hyper-focused on something else, and years went by without you maintaining that relationship. Relationships, whether romantic or not, take work. You must talk to the other individuals, ask them how they are doing now and then, and even make time to go out with them occasionally. If you do not do the work, the relationship will fall apart.
Many individuals with ADHD already know that they tend to become hyper-focused. This is when you tune out everything around you except for the activity or task that you are working on. If you need to set an alarm once a week to remind you to text someone, you have to make time to build those relationships, or you will be isolated. It is important that you learn all the symptoms of your ADHD and learn to manage and cope with it as soon as possible. There are amazing things about being wired a different way, but there are also some real challenges thanks to societal standards. Be yourself, be comfortable with who you are, and others will be happy with you, too.