Most of the time, ADHD is associated with halfway doing things, losing focus, and procrastination. Many individuals don’t realize that many individuals with ADHD are perfectionists. This can be a great quality to have in certain situations. However, there are other situations in which perfectionism can get in the way of everyday life. Perfectionism goes beyond doing the best you can do a job right. Perfectionism means that you become extremely anxious over even the most minute details of a project. This results in it taking longer to complete tasks on time. The good news is that there are ways that you can combat perfectionism when you have ADHD. Here are some things that you should know.
Obsessive Behaviors
For individuals who struggle with extreme perfectionism, the symptoms can mimic OCD. Behaviors may be more indicative of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder than what is commonly associated with ADHD. Even though the two are very different disorders, it is important to understand that some of the symptoms associated with each are similar. One thing that they have in common is the individual’s difficulty in transitioning from one task to the next. This can be the result of the lack of executive functioning skills commonly associated with ADHD. An individual may become extremely hyper-focused on what they are working on and spend an excessive amount of time making it perfect. You may find that the individual spends a lot of time after the project is completed fretting over what they are working on and spending an excessive amount of time making it perfect. You may find that the individual spends a lot of time after the project is completed fretting over what they could have done differently to make the project better.
Academics
For kids with ADHD and even adults in college, perfectionism can have an impact on grades. Perfectionism tends to show its head in any type of expressive writing project. Individuals with ADHD sometimes get stuck on writing and rewriting the first line. They need the beginning to be perfect so that the rest of the paper will flow. Because of this, the assignment is typically late or left uncompleted, leaving the student with a sense of failure. Math is another area in school that those with ADHD and perfectionism struggle. You may find that the student will throw out an entire worksheet rather than turn one in with many erasure marks due to not having the numbers in a straight line. Max Belkin, Ph.D., tries to explain one of its possible root causes, “Many insecure parents get emotionally invested in raising highly accomplished children. They tend to be very critical of their children’s appearance or academic performance and fail to empathize with their children’s limitations.”
Frustration and Anxiety
Anxiety and frustration are already traits that individuals with ADHD struggle with. However, needing to have things done perfectly can result in an individual becoming frustrated with a task rather quickly. There is a mental picture of what you are trying to accomplish, and when you are unable to get the work to live up to that mental image, it is completely unacceptable. This extreme need to get it perfect can also lead to anxiety. This can result in children becoming extremely anxious about upcoming projects or exams and adults becoming anxious about upcoming evaluations or projects at work. Individuals with ADHD also have a difficult time managing their emotions. Because of this, feelings of failure, anxiety, and frustration can last longer for individuals with ADHD than for those without ADHD. It can make you or your child feel as if your best isn’t good enough and cause you to completely give up on a project that you have worked really hard on.
“When things go “wrong,” there are lessons to be found. When we’re setting out to do hard things, things won’t always go as planned. This provides plenty of material to help us learn and grow. If we’re hyper-focused on things going perfectly, we miss the lessons within the messes,” Kristen Lee, Ed.D., LICSW, says.
How to Help
There are ways that you can keep perfectionism from getting in your way or your child’s way as you try to get through each day. One of the biggest things is to realize and help your child realize, that things don’t always have to be done perfectly. Don’t tell a child with ADHD to just do your best. This is because a child with perfectionism will get aggravated over minor details and feel as if they are not doing their best. Instead, help them realize when they are over-analyzing. If you’re an adult who struggles with this, it’s a good idea to have a friend or a spouse who understands what you are going through and can call you back to reality when you begin to become hyper-focused on a situation. “Be a role model to your children and challenge yourself to make mistakes! Face difficult activities/material, experience setbacks, learn from failures, and try again,” Azmaira H. Maker, Ph.D. encourages. You also want to understand that sometimes good is good enough. It is important to learn the difference between when you need to pay attention to minor details and when you do not. Finally, make sure that your expectations are realistic. Make sure that what you want to accomplish is realistic with any time restraints that you may be facing.