It’s not unusual for individuals with ADHD to experience feelings of extreme loneliness and isolation. When the word loneliness is used to describe a feeling of being completely disconnected from other individuals, this is the feeling most ADHD individuals battle, even when surrounded by a room full of people. “Loneliness is an epidemic. We’re the most socially connected society, yet so many people experience extreme loneliness,” says Amy Sullivan, PsyD. When you experience feelings of loneliness, you are likely to experience feelings of isolation and depression. The questions many individuals with ADHD have are: Why do I feel so alone?
Different
Most individuals with ADHD constantly feel like they are different than the other individuals around them. Individuals with ADHD go through their daily lives with frustrations and have to overcome many challenges that individuals without ADHD don’t have. More times than not, Adults with ADHD have had these feelings since they were children. Individuals in your daily life have always done things that have put you in the spotlight and singled you out. Whether it was your peers, your teachers, or even your family members constantly telling you to “calm down” or “be quiet,” you feel different. From the time you were a child all the way to adulthood, you have always felt like you were on the outside, even around those close to you. You are the green in a world of black and white, and you feel like you stand out more than you do.
Socializing
There are individuals with ADHD who can function extremely well in social situations. However, most individuals with ADHD struggle when faced with social situations. Adults with ADHD commonly find themselves struggling with feeling anxious or having a hard time finding the right words or actions in social situations. When trying to make small talk, individuals with ADHD find it awkward. Social cues are often missed or things are often said in the wrong way due to impulsively saying the first thing that pops into your head. You may find yourself feeling anxious after social interactions because you tend to overthink them after they are over.
Do You Even Care?
Many adults with ADHD find that people ask them if they are quite often. This is because the behavior that is typically associated with ADHD is often misread as not caring about those around them. It’s not that individuals with ADHD don’t care; it’s that the symptoms associated with ADHD lead individuals with ADHD to forget things like birthdays or forgetting to call. You may find yourself repeatedly forgetting what those you care about have said to you. This results in those around you getting their feelings hurt often and thinking that you don’t care about them.
Worthy?
Another source of anxiety for individuals with ADHD is wondering whether you’re worthy. Many individuals with ADHD spend every day wondering if they are worthy of finding love or if they deserve friendship. ADHD often comes with low self-esteem and a low level of confidence. This results in those with ADHD feeling as if they are not worthy of quality relationships. “Loneliness is a combination of negative thoughts related to our beliefs about ourselves and beliefs about others,” says Danielle Forshee, PsyD.
Making Friends
For individuals with ADHD, making friends can be difficult. When someone with ADHD finds someone that they click with, it can be difficult to make the transition from the initial connection to a full-blown friendship. Normally, this is because individuals with ADHD struggle to follow through with commitments or promises due to either forgetting or over-committing themselves. Individuals with ADHD also struggle with social skills and feel as if they are worthy of someone’s friendship. You may find someone you click with and feel like they don’t really want to spend time with you.
Criticism
Another reason that individuals with ADHD struggle with feeling alone is that other individuals are often very critical of those with ADHD. Individuals with ADHD may feel as if they are always disappointing those who are close to them or that their friends and family are always angry with them. Because of this, those with ADHD may find it easier to isolate themselves and not both with social interactions. Individuals with ADHD typically find it easier to find things on their own. “Instead of reaching out to other people in work or play, we turn inward and self-protective,” says David Biro, PhD.