Individuals with ADHD often find themselves also struggling with anger. “In order to arrive at an accurate diagnosis of ADHD, it’s important to consider the role that anxiety—which often appears as anger—could be playing,” wrote Daniel Flint, MA.
These angry outbursts can quickly lead to individuals with ADHD feeling as if no one cares about them. You may find that you and your spouse have a fight and you just can’t help what you say or do, and it can get frustrating: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/general/no-one-cares-about-me-what-can-i-do-to-find-support/. You are so frustrated and angry that you suddenly just snap. You may have a child with ADHD. Any parent who has an ADHD child knows that they have meltdowns frequently. The only way to truly understand how to manage the outbursts of anger, or meltdowns, is to understand what causes the anger in the first place. Why are individuals with ADHD so prone to anger outbursts?
What Causes the Anger?
The first and foremost reason that you may find you are having difficulty controlling your anger is that of the impulsivity that goes along with ADHD. Larry Maucieri, PhD, ABPP-CN, said that anger being part of the picture makes sense. He wrote, “One stubborn component of ADHD that often remains from childhood all the way into adulthood involves problems with impulsivity. That is, difficult to manage one’s impulses by not acting on them rapidly. This lack of impulse control creates an opportunity for strong emotions, such as anger, to take over.”
This can cause you to have anger outbursts more frequently than individuals who do not have ADHD. If you are angry, you express that you are angry. You do not take the time to pause and think about the consequences that your comments or actions may have. Typically, impulsivity refers to more than just acting out impulsively. Often, individuals who struggle with ADHD are emotionally impulsive as well.
Second, individuals with ADHD tend to become frustrated more easily than individuals without ADHD. You may find that the simplest task leaves you frustrated. For example, trying to leave in the morning to go to work. You may find that you have walked from the car to the house three or even four times that morning because you forgot something. As this frustration builds up throughout your day from forgetting or struggling with completing tasks due to your ADHD, you may find yourself becoming angry.
Third, many individuals with ADHD experience mood swings. Adults who suffer from ADHD can find that their emotions are typically all over the place and find themselves feeling overwhelmed. You can be happy, angry, and sad all within a time of thirty minutes. Further complicating, these emotions can be random or even directed at the same event. Individuals with ADHD are also more prone to mood swings than individuals who do not have an ADHD diagnosis.
Finally, individuals with ADHD may experience anger due to stress. Living a life with an ADHD brain can be extremely stressful and cause a multitude of negative feelings. When ADHD is left untreated, an individual can quickly feel overwhelmed and extremely stressed out. This can lead to anger.
It is important for you to remember that anger is not abnormal. In fact, your anger can even be an extremely useful tool. There are times, however, when individuals with ADHD may feel like their anger is interfering with their ability to live their lives. When you feel anger is interfering with your life or hurting your relationships, there are things you can do to manage your anger.
Managing Your Anger
First, if you are someone you love arguing with and you feel yourself getting angry, walk away. Individuals with ADHD have a hard time walking away. They tend to always want to have the last word. Having the last word really isn’t that important. You can come back later after you have had time to cool off and think and say whatever it was that you needed to say.
You also want to try to be assertive. Many times, individuals who appear angry don’t want to be taken for granted. Developing skills for being assertive, not aggressive, and expressing your feelings without backing down or harming your relationships can be a great well to deal with whatever is making you upset.
Make sure that you take time to reflect on your anger. If you feel angry, take time to think about why. Whatever is going on at that moment may be completely unrelated to why you are angry. There are many reasons that you may be angry. Taking time to identify what is really making you upset can help you deal with the correct issue and, in turn, manage your anger.
Ari Tuckman, PsyD, also shared that he helps his patients establish good lifestyle habits. These include exercising and getting ample sleep. He said, “This brings down their baseline stress level, which means that it takes more pressure for them to reach that threshold of anger.”