Hey, it’s been a while.
It took me some time to put my thoughts together. I try to write bits of what I want to tell you every night.
Slowly. One step at a time.
I found myself writing for you.
I’m Sorry Because I lose Everything
That time when my car keys went missing, I tried to tell you that it was just around the corner. But I really did not remember where I placed them. I’m sorry that I didn’t say the truth to you right away.
I thought you wouldn’t let me drive our car again, but you kept key duplicates for me.
That time, when we agreed to meet at the cozy Italian restaurant by the bay, I didn’t show up. I didn’t remember the details of our meet-up. I’m sorry for being the forgetful me.
“Children with anxiety are so consumed with their worries and fears of uncertainty and harm that they have little room in their minds for anything else,” writes Jenny C. Yip Psy.D.
I thought you’d stop talking to me for a week or so, but you cooked our favorite dish at home instead.
I’m Sorry For Messing Things Up
Those countless times when I miss out on washing the dishes, cleaning the toilet, and organizing our cabinets. I’m sorry for not putting them into my mind and not doing them.
I thought you’d get fed up and leave, but you decided that we do it together.
That time when I misplaced the utility bills, and we lost internet connection, it was actually mixed with the food recipes. I’m sorry for my chronic disorganization at home.
“If you have an ADD partner, the messy, unplanned lifestyle can be overwhelming. One key to learning to cope with this lifestyle is to recognize that disorganization is not meant to make you mad,” writes Lara Honos-Webb, Ph.D.
I thought you would burst into anger at me, but you gave me reminders in post-its and alarm clocks.
I’m Sorry For Not Minding You
That time when you were sharing with me how your day went, I was thinking of other things. I’m sorry that I’m not giving you the attention you need. Your love language is quality time; I know that full well.
“If you want to optimize your efforts to make your partner feel loved, knowing his or her love language will go a long way,” writes Jennifer Priem, Ph.D.
I thought you’d find the attention from your friends, but you chose to stick with me the whole day.
That time when we were in a conversation, but my boss called, I picked up. I forgot about how you loved the Hawaiian shirt you saw at the department store or the magnetic card keeper you’d love to have as an anniversary gift.
I thought you would start doing things by yourself, but you wanted us to block off schedules in a week for “us” time instead.
I’m Sorry That You’re Hurting Because Of Me
That time, just out of the blue, when I was so irritated and stressed that I slammed the door and walked out in the middle of a petty argument, I’m sorry. Pardon me for my short temper.
I thought you would do the same and yell at me, but you came at me with a big hug that just calmed me down.
That time when we were in a pretty serious argument, I’m sorry for the hurtful words you heard. I will always regret those silly words I blurt out without even thinking twice.
I thought that you would stop loving me from that moment, but you held my hand and whispered a soft “I love you.”
I’m Sorry For Being In Denial
That time when you finally started talking to me about ADHD, I did not want to believe you. I cannot seem to figure out how it happened. I didn’t realize I had it. So, instead of accepting medication, I decided that I’d do it on my own.
I thought that my ardent denial would finally cause you to walk away, but you held me one more time and went with me to an ADHD coach.
I know you spent lots of time learning what you can about ADHD.
Right when you had the chance to let me go, you decided to face my situation with me.
You were able to set aside yourself for the sake of restoring me and our relationship.
While I admittedly know a million reasons why you should have walked away from me,
I guess I’ll never truly pinpoint the only good reason why you stayed because it is hidden in the crazy, intricate, and beautiful universe that is you.